


Morning Star

by scribblingTiresias



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think that covers it, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, Maybe a lil, Parental Abuse, Post-Canon, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Self-hating Edward, Vent fic?, relationship stress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 04:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2759420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblingTiresias/pseuds/scribblingTiresias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Cullen is struggling to adapt to his life as a married man- and it doesn't help that his relationship with Bella is a dysfunctional sham. But Carlisle has plans that Edward doesn't know about- and they begin to tear everyone's lives apart. Can Edward come to terms with himself and his past in time to keep Carlisle's plans from fruition, or will he let the man he loves like a father tear his world apart? </p><p>Post-canon. Alternate universe where everyone's motivations make sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Morning Star

**Author's Note:**

> The mind is its own place, and in itself  
> Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.  
> What matter where, if I be still the same,  
> And what I should be, all but less than he  
> Whom thunder hath made greater?  
> Milton, Paradise Lost
> 
> This fic was heavily inspired by Paradise Lost, among other things. I own neither Twilight nor Milton.
> 
> I know first-person narration is frowned upon here, but I was trying to hew as close to canon, stylistically, as possible, without actually sucking.

I knew there was a good chance that I could die in the next few hours. For the first time in decades, it bothered me.

Just thinking about what I was about to do made my body tense, shoulders shrugging up, teeth pushing deep into my lip like gravediggers dealing with a truculent patch of earth. It was the only way for to redeem myself, but at the same time, I dreaded the next part of our plan.

Bella stared me down from across the room. Her face was as pale as mine; the dark circles under her eyes looked like bruises, in this light. I could feel her gaze on me, and guilt welled up inside me. God, why had I let things go this far?

“You're being an idiot.” She folded her arms. “There's no reason you have to do this alone.”

“There are plenty of good reasons-” I could feel my voice going gruff.

“-Other than your goddamn martyr complex,” she finished. She sounded like the Bella I'd first met- dry, sarcastic, and as sharp as a hawk's beak.

“We rescued our daughter together, isn't that enough for you?” My voice was squeaking, hitching up with fear. Being perpetually seventeen had its disadvantages. I mentally cursed.

“If he's half as bad as you say he is, he deserves a piece of my mind too.”

“Bella.” My nostrils flared. “He's very old and very powerful. You wouldn't stand a chance.”

“And you would?!”

“He cares about me. Like a son... like a brother... on some level.”

I wasn't sure if the words were true, but in any fair world, they ought to have been. I'd given him so much, after all. My time, my power, my devotion... on some level, I'd even given him my life. The universe owed me a debt for that, and it was time to claim it in full.

“I might be able to get him to change his mind.”

“Strong words, coming from you.”

I flinched. My words had never been the strongest; I was a mealy-mouthed coward. Her words were like knives- or like a two-edged sword, sharp and biting, that cut me in two.

“I know you don't trust me. You have every reason not to, Bella.”

I took a deep breath.

“But the best thing you can do, the safest thing, is to get you and Renesmee as far away from Forks and from him as you can.”

She glared me down.

“...Please. For her sake, at least.” My voice was shaking. It wasn't a lie. Even if I hadn't already put Bella through enough danger, he'd already put my daughter in danger once, and I didn't trust him to be anywhere near either of them. If it wasn't for Renesmee, I might have been a little more hesitant, but as it stood, she wasn't safe, and she wouldn't be until she left.

“Fine.” She spat it like a malediction. “...We still need to have that _talk_. If you get yourself killed, Edward...”

I swallowed, and it felt like I was gulping down stones. It was funny how my old habits of being alive came back at a time like this.

“Yes?”

“I will find a way to bring you back from the dead so that I can kill you again.”

She was joking, but the joke's foundation was bitter, serious anger.

“...Of course.” I cracked a weak grin. “Let's hope it doesn't get to that point.”

Bella nodded, brusquely.

“Get going. I'll keep my fingers crossed.”

“ _Pray_ for me,” I said, and hoped I wasn't sounding too condescending. “I'll need it.”

She nodded again, and I turned to go. My heart hammered in my chest.

I crossed the room, opened the doors, and left, heading towards my doom.


End file.
